Book Giveaway ~ Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children

It has been awhile, but I did a post that included an excerpt from  this book a couple of years ago… If you would like to read the post click  here…Peace That Passeth All Understanding.

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Here is an interview with Allison Bottke, author of Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children

I just happen to have an extra copy of this book that I would like to give away. So, if you would like to win it do this…

1. LIKE this post.

2. FOLLOW this blog.

3. Write a COMMENT.

Please do all three to enter. I will choose randomly a winner  on April 18th 2013.

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31 Days ~ Thank You

Day 21 ~ Thank You

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.” Psalms 127:3

From the book Prayers for Prodigals ~

“I don’t think I’ve said thank you enough lately, Lord.
Your Word reminds me that children are a blessing from You.
I’d like to thank you again for the blessing of my son.
He is your own beautiful and unique creation.
There will never be anyone exactly like him.
I praise you for he is “fearfully and wonderfully made: your works are wonderful I know that full well” (Psalms 139:14)
I thank you for my son’s good characteristics.
I even thank you for the strength of his will and look forward to the day that it will be used to serve you with devotion and resolve.
I thank you for the things I sometimes take for granted: the blessings of health and food, and a roof over our heads.
Even though times are challenging right now, I don’t want to stop saying thank you.
Your Word tells me to “give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)” ~ James Banks
………………………………….
I think this is such an incredible reminder, and I thank James Banks for writing this book…Giving thanks in all circumstances is so important in our walk with Christ and as Paul said in Thessalonians, it is God’s will for us.
Spending time thanking God for our circumstances, because “He works all things our for good” is part of trusting Him. And I am convinced that He is teaching us to TRUST Him in a way that I never imagined. Perhaps we have gotten too self reliant living in a country that has so much. Whatever it is, there is a lesson for us…more than a lesson…a deep yearning for TRUTH and LIFE and FOCUS on Christ alone. And a major part of this is to totally rely on Him.
Give thanks in all things for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer says in his book The Cost of Discipleship, “…intersession is the most promising way to reach our neighbors, and corporate prayer, offered in the name of Christ, the purest form of fellowship.”
In praying together we are in fellowship, and in agreement with each other, and in communion with Christ. And He loves us and hears our prayers…
Thank you all for all your prayers.

The Change We’ve Been Looking For…..Begins in US! ~Diane Viere

So many families who live with the dysfunction of a wayward loved one struggle to find just the right solution that will cause their loved one to change. Paralyzed by fear, defeated by hopelessness, they walk through life never experiencing joy….joy has been deferred until…until…until their loved one changes.
Lifetimes are spent sacrificing personal well-being and fulfillment all in an attempt to change someone else.
Body, mind and soul become depleted as we become financially, spiritually, and emotionally bankrupt.
No matter what we do, we cannot effect change in the life of our loved one. We wait. We search. We believe we are responsible for the change in their lives; and the pain of our struggle grows as we continue to refuse to accept that which we do not want to accept.
“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.” ~ Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
BREAKING NEWS: You are the change you’ve been looking for!
You are NOT responsible for the choices, the behaviors, the consequences of your prodigals life.
He/she IS responsible for his/her choices, behaviors and must face the sting of the consequences to learn from their prodigal journey. As long as we continue to assume the responsibility (cross THEIR personal boundaries), we rob them of the growth opportunity that is presented with every poor choice, every dangerous action, every irresponsible behavior. As long as we continue to enable our prodigals, we engage in their journey causing significant collateral damage. Both to them and to us.
The change you’ve been looking for is IN you!
Things do not change; we change. ~ Henry David Thoreau
You can step into JOY today: YOU can change!
* Decide today to step back into your life.
* Build a fence around you. Define what is your responsibility and what is not. Remember, fences keep danger out and keep you inside, safe from entering harm’s way.
* Begin your ‘boundary training.’ Respect your fence! Honor your boundaries! “Do” your boundaries!
“If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you ‘do’ boundaries […others] will internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality.” ~Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
Feel the effectiveness of Dr’s Cloud and Townsend’s words: Here we’ve been trying to affect change for all of these years….and all we had to do was establish and ‘do’ our boundaries! We are the change we’ve been looking for!
* Choose what will be protected behind your new fence: your joy, your happiness, your dreams, your goals. Family, finances, faith, fun! What do you want your life to look like? Remember, life is NOT a dress rehearsal! You pass this way only once…isn’t it time to take the reins of your life…and ENJOY!
But what about our prodigals? How can we move on without them?
Grab your Bibles and read Luke 15: 11-24. I’ll be here waiting…go ahead…give it a read 🙂
I just have one question: What did the father of the lost son do?
He did not chase after his prodigal and enter the pig pen with him.
He did not save his prodigal from hunger, despair, or squander.
He! Stayed! Home! He stayed behind his front gate and continued on with his life. Oh, he awaited the return of his lost son (and I can imagine him sending his servants each and every day to look for his son’s return) for we read in vv 22-24: “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”
The father waited, but he never took one step out of his own life, his own purpose. He didn’t engage in his prodigal’s journey in spite of the famine, hardship, danger or despair.
If you love a prodigal–you KNOW, how you KNOW–this could not have been easy.
And yet, what do we learn from the father in this parable?
STAY PUT!
STAY STRONG!
PREPARE FOR THE BANQUET!
We’re gonna need a fortress of boundaries to prepare for that banquet, aren’t we, for with every word of struggle our prodigal faces, we are tempted to ease their pain. With every devastating phone call, we are tempted to save her. With every discovery of imminent harm, we are tempted to pay the price in their stead.
Yet, if we continue to try to change that which we cannot change, how will we ever be able to one day throw a banquet upon their return home if we are broken emotionally, financially and spiritually.
The change begins in us!
Return of the Prodigal by Lionello Spada

Peace That Passeth All Understanding

We have given our lives to Christ and we are walking along life’s path, sometimes not knowing where that path will take us…

Has your path come to a rocky precipice? How, Father, can I keep going? This looks too painful…I don’t think I can make it…

But we know nothing is impossible with God and He will never leave us or forsake us, and the beautiful thing is that He works all things out for good. So press on…He will lead you by the still waters and restore your soul…He will give you that peace that passeth all understanding

Here is an example of a hurting parent of a prodigal and what she learned through her journey…and how she found peace…

Excerpts from the book, Boundaries with Adult Children by Allison Bottke.

What I learned from being a parent in pain:

1. I must remind myself every day that God is in control.

2. God has allowed by circumstances, heartbreaking as they are, to change me.

3. We are not alone. God is well aware what it’s like having prodigals. Look at Adam and Eve. They had it all, and God was a perfect Father. So much for all the theories.

4. The prodigal son had no reason to leave home and rebel. His dad loved him, he had a wonderful home life, plenty of money, and purpose for living. He rebelled because there is pleasure in sin for a season. The father never chased after his son or filled his pockets with money or financed his sin. He stayed put and gave his son to God.

5. God is the only One who can change our kids. Out of the kindness of His will, He alone brings us to repentance. We must pray for God to bring our adult children to the end of themselves and to deal with their problems.

6. The Enemy is at work, but he is not more powerful than God. Satan must ask God’s permission to test us (see the book of Job).

7. I can’t put a timetable on my prayers. Some may be answered on the other side of eternity. God is faithful, and we must pray with great faith. He is working.

8. God has changed me greatly. The heartache of living with a prodigal threw me into God’s Word-big time. In the last 15 years I have devoured God’s Word on a daily basis and developed a prayer life. All this to say, this experience has been a good thing for me spiritually. Whereas I once spent that time in anxiety and depression, I have now taken that time to become anchored in God.

9. God has supernaturally changed me through His Word and changed my perspective on the whole trial.

10. Yielding everything to God is the only way to peace. The day we came to our wit’s end and gave our son 100 percent to the Lord and was the day a miracle occurred. We were flooded with His peace, the kind that cannot be explained. We knew then why Jesus came; not only to save our souls but to give us His power to live through anything. Since that time, we have had to do that again and surrender our grandchildren. His grace is sufficient for all things. He is all we need.

To purchase this book click here.

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:26-27

Photos by Sarah